Blowing Out Birthday Candles Increases Cake Bacteria by 1,400 Percent

Kinja'd!!! "ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
07/28/2017 at 10:04 • Filed to: None

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My God, how has the human race survived? On a related note, statistics have also shown that people who have more birthdays tend to live longer than those who have fewer birthdays.

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DISCUSSION (13)


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 10:06

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Is the death rate still at 100%? Thanks, Obamacare!


Kinja'd!!! RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 10:14

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I’m mostly past pinching out candles a few at a time and down to putting them out with a clap. Once they get back around to giving me fewer candles of the giant number kind, I think it will be time to go back to pinching.

Hey, it’s only once a year - might as well have some showmanship.


Kinja'd!!! Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 10:18

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Nom, nom, mom.


Kinja'd!!! Future next gen S2000 owner > Ash78, voting early and often
07/28/2017 at 10:18

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My healthcare plan is going to reduce the death rate. It’s really going to be great. Really, really fantastic.


Kinja'd!!! Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 10:22

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Didn’t read the article, but here’s a countertheory (for no reason other than I feel like making some shit up):

Those bacteria are milder and obviously haven’t harmed the carrier, spreading them is good because it’ll help create antibodies for similar but stronger bacteria. It’s a good thing.

Or, y’know, they could be totally harmless and carried by you already anyway. BREAKING NEWS: You’re spewing bacteria right now. QUICK, STOP BREATHING!!!


Kinja'd!!! ttyymmnn > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
07/28/2017 at 10:25

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TBH, I didn’t read the article either. It just plays to our society’s germophobia. Guess what people—not all bacteria is bad!


Kinja'd!!! DipodomysDeserti > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 10:34

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We survived because the bacteria you find in a healthy person’s mouth is good for us.


Kinja'd!!! diplodicus > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 10:35

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Pie is superior to cake. So I never have birthday candles because I don’t want wax on my rhubarb pie ok.


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > Future next gen S2000 owner
07/28/2017 at 10:37

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It’s a good deal for Americans, the best. And people will outlive social security, but we’ll make Mexico pay for it.


Kinja'd!!! You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 11:22

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Having kids greatly increases your threshold for what constitutes gross. This isn’t even anywhere near the list. Once you deal with a kid coated head to toe in poop a little bit of spit is pretty minor. Never mind the time the Finnlet managed to sneeze boogies directly into my mouth while he had a cold.


Kinja'd!!! Chariotoflove > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 11:28

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That’s great news! We celebrate my mom’s birthday tomorrow. So, that means she’ll be even more likely to live longer from now on, right


Kinja'd!!! ttyymmnn > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much
07/28/2017 at 11:44

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Or getting thrown up on. I was holding one of my twins, thinking he was finally over his stomach bug. Nope. He urped all over me, and all I could do was stand there and take it.


Kinja'd!!! You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > ttyymmnn
07/28/2017 at 11:49

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I’d rather deal with poop than vomit. Projectile vomiting is the worst thing to have to deal with.